1. |
In the Car
03:01
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everyone overlaps in the house
never learned to detach myself
in the car knuckles white on the wheel
sorting out how I really feel
the only time I could ever really be alone
was after dropping everybody off at home
waiting for the stop sign to turn green
blinking through the high beams
leaving now and I don't have to tell you where I'm going
friday night pick you up for the drive
park along the roadside
kissing you with an eye on the door
never sure what I'm waiting for
the only time we could ever be alone
neither of us really knew what was going on
shadow moving in the wet field
just you in the windshield
leaving now and I don't have to tell you where I'm going
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2. |
Stove Coil
03:12
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it's all a weight
pressing down
light slants into the room
and I go out
I think of you
and want to touch the
coil of the stove
the coil of the stove
spiral glowing red
on the razor's edge
a sting and a sweetness
will I feel it
I want to know that I've broken the curse
I can learn to lift my hand when it hurts
but then again I was never afraid
lying next to you
until the moment came
I think of you
I wonder where you are
I turn into a snake
on the floor
and I'm gone
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3. |
Pitcher
03:59
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I fill the pitcher with hot water
it cracks right down the middle
water spills all over the counter
you're still talking and I'm in the middle
I go somewhere else in times like these
feeling for an opening
something heavy lands
you try to fill silence that I'm swimming in
the clouds shift
I swallow
the air is thick around my head
if there's a truth in this I need to
find a
way to
show you
I fall asleep right at the edge of the water
feel the heat on my body
hear your voice and your laughter
and I wake up far from land, floating on my back
you wave from the beach, pushpin in a map
only getting further away
the water pools around my head
there's a truth in this I need to
find a
way to
talk to
talk to you
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4. |
Fold
02:58
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I move through the party
sometimes myself but mostly just traveling
tread lightly but talk loud
weave through the people
feels like so long since I've really seen you
I'm crunching the numbers
counting the blocks from the bus to your stairwell
tread lightly and text to
see if I'll make it
I could just tell you to wait but i'd rather
carve out the shape of it
I hold it close
and feel the shame of it
I wonder
would you do this too
who taught you
to take such good care of yourself
step out of the cold to
steep in the bus light
shifting my weight in the seat for the whole ride
you're not one to wait up
still I am hopeful
know that at least I can trust you to leave
the door open
I'm digging a hole
you'd never follow me through
who taught you
to be alone with yourself
I find you
collapsed in your bed
asleep like a kid
too big for a twin
I turn all the lights out
crawl into your bed and
take care to fold myself around you
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5. |
Angel
03:25
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you're not an angel
but I treat you like one
you talk in circles
around what you've done
and I'm working all the time
trying to mold my anger
into shapes that will suit you better
love you so I can't just spit in your coffee and go
I can't control my face and that scares you though
that scares you
you crave a sweetness
that I can't just get back
I used to feel it
but I treat it like currency now
sometimes we lock into
moments of bitter clarity
when the light hits just right
you care for me
love you so I can't just hold you to me till I learn to let go
but I don't know
where to leave it
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6. |
Sai is Driving
03:08
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Sai is driving
through the window of her
pink apartment
and I know we've both been
feeling heavy
so I'm glad she's going to
get herself out
Sai is driving
on the causeway and the
wheels are turning
but the car is trying to
tell us something
we're not moving till we
dig ourselves out
Sai is leaning
on the car door I can
tell she's hoping
that my face is going to
tell her something
cause she knows I'd never
say it out loud
Sai is waiting
for the tow truck and the
van is rising
from the mud just like a coffin
I have pushed with
my whole body
but I know I
cannot move us
Sai is driving
Sai is driving me home
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7. |
Pipe Scream
03:31
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back door ring the bell
light touch at the gates of hell
but I'll go
talking to you through the wall
trying to make the bitter feeling small
but it shows
leaves fall
I unhook my jaw
you know the harder I try
the more I get lost
fingernails like little moons
piling up around the room
this is not my home anymore
build another kind of life
losing ground gaining light
and I know where to go when I'm done here
pipes scream
until they stop
water pools behind my eyes
until I let it fall
pipe scream
until it's not
water pools behind my eyes
until I let it fall
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8. |
Garúa
04:35
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pennies on the sidewalk
numbers in the sky
heaviness in my chest
why, why
you walk through a fine mist
looking for a light
you gave me this weight to lift
why, why
you taught me to see signs and magic everywhere
you made sense of a world so tragic
only seeing beauty out there
out there
riding out
to the big hole in the ground
when the mist comes off the water
I see you, I see you
it follows me around
and the words pool in my mouth
in the quiet on the phone
I see you, I see you
garúa
garúa
runners on the sidewalk
egrets in the sky
love slips into anger
why, why?
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9. |
Drain
03:24
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you asked me once if I've ever wanted to die
I don't know why I told you no
when I do want to stick a fork in my eye
sometimes
I pull knots out of the bathtub drain
I twist the snake again and again
and I start to pull up stems and leaves
green murky webby things
blossoming
things I really need to hold
to be alive
also make me hate that I
keep going
keep going
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Otracami New York, New York
Otracami is a songwriter and artist based in New York.
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