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touching the stove coil

by Otracami

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1.
In the Car 03:01
everyone overlaps in the house never learned to detach myself in the car knuckles white on the wheel sorting out how I really feel the only time I could ever really be alone was after dropping everybody off at home waiting for the stop sign to turn green blinking through the high beams leaving now and I don't have to tell you where I'm going friday night pick you up for the drive park along the roadside kissing you with an eye on the door never sure what I'm waiting for the only time we could ever be alone neither of us really knew what was going on shadow moving in the wet field just you in the windshield leaving now and I don't have to tell you where I'm going
2.
Stove Coil 03:12
it's all a weight pressing down light slants into the room and I go out I think of you and want to touch the coil of the stove the coil of the stove spiral glowing red on the razor's edge a sting and a sweetness will I feel it I want to know that I've broken the curse I can learn to lift my hand when it hurts but then again I was never afraid lying next to you until the moment came I think of you I wonder where you are I turn into a snake on the floor and I'm gone
3.
Pitcher 03:59
I fill the pitcher with hot water it cracks right down the middle water spills all over the counter you're still talking and I'm in the middle I go somewhere else in times like these feeling for an opening something heavy lands you try to fill silence that I'm swimming in the clouds shift I swallow the air is thick around my head if there's a truth in this I need to find a way to show you I fall asleep right at the edge of the water feel the heat on my body hear your voice and your laughter and I wake up far from land, floating on my back you wave from the beach, pushpin in a map only getting further away the water pools around my head there's a truth in this I need to find a way to talk to talk to you
4.
Fold 02:58
I move through the party sometimes myself but mostly just traveling tread lightly but talk loud weave through the people feels like so long since I've really seen you I'm crunching the numbers counting the blocks from the bus to your stairwell tread lightly and text to see if I'll make it I could just tell you to wait but i'd rather carve out the shape of it I hold it close and feel the shame of it I wonder would you do this too who taught you to take such good care of yourself step out of the cold to steep in the bus light shifting my weight in the seat for the whole ride you're not one to wait up still I am hopeful know that at least I can trust you to leave the door open I'm digging a hole you'd never follow me through who taught you to be alone with yourself I find you collapsed in your bed asleep like a kid too big for a twin I turn all the lights out crawl into your bed and take care to fold myself around you
5.
Angel 03:25
you're not an angel but I treat you like one you talk in circles around what you've done and I'm working all the time trying to mold my anger into shapes that will suit you better love you so I can't just spit in your coffee and go I can't control my face and that scares you though that scares you you crave a sweetness that I can't just get back I used to feel it but I treat it like currency now sometimes we lock into moments of bitter clarity when the light hits just right you care for me love you so I can't just hold you to me till I learn to let go but I don't know where to leave it
6.
Sai is driving through the window of her pink apartment and I know we've both been feeling heavy so I'm glad she's going to get herself out Sai is driving on the causeway and the wheels are turning but the car is trying to tell us something we're not moving till we dig ourselves out Sai is leaning on the car door I can tell she's hoping that my face is going to tell her something cause she knows I'd never say it out loud Sai is waiting for the tow truck and the van is rising from the mud just like a coffin I have pushed with my whole body but I know I cannot move us Sai is driving Sai is driving me home
7.
Pipe Scream 03:31
back door ring the bell light touch at the gates of hell but I'll go talking to you through the wall trying to make the bitter feeling small but it shows leaves fall I unhook my jaw you know the harder I try the more I get lost fingernails like little moons piling up around the room this is not my home anymore build another kind of life losing ground gaining light and I know where to go when I'm done here pipes scream until they stop water pools behind my eyes until I let it fall pipe scream until it's not water pools behind my eyes until I let it fall
8.
Garúa 04:35
pennies on the sidewalk numbers in the sky heaviness in my chest why, why you walk through a fine mist looking for a light you gave me this weight to lift why, why you taught me to see signs and magic everywhere you made sense of a world so tragic only seeing beauty out there out there riding out to the big hole in the ground when the mist comes off the water I see you, I see you it follows me around and the words pool in my mouth in the quiet on the phone I see you, I see you garúa garúa runners on the sidewalk egrets in the sky love slips into anger why, why?
9.
Drain 03:24
you asked me once if I've ever wanted to die I don't know why I told you no when I do want to stick a fork in my eye sometimes I pull knots out of the bathtub drain I twist the snake again and again and I start to pull up stems and leaves green murky webby things blossoming things I really need to hold to be alive also make me hate that I keep going keep going

credits

released November 10, 2023

Written, performed, produced by Camila Ortiz
Tracks 3, 4, 5, and 8 feature drums by Jon Starks, recorded at Jaybird Studios
Mixed and mastered by Lee Meadvin
Album artwork by Sai Tripathi

Thank you so much to Sai, Lee, Claire, Andres, Jon, Isa, Mace, Beni, Bella, and Ian for their influence & support for this project.

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Otracami New York, New York

Otracami is a songwriter and artist based in New York.

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